"you shouldn't bring your work home with you"... i have been telling myself this for the past 5 years. i built my shop on the same acre of land as our home. i see my cabinet shop when i look out the window of our living room. my work is my home. my home is my work.
"not doing business with friends and family", is another nugget of advice that most businessmen would gladly own up to. as selfish as this sounds, i cringe when friends come to me with a job or a project. i dont want to charge someone who is close to me, but i also dont want to loose time (money) on a project that im not getting paid for.
personal life and business are many times regarded as completely different things and most of us would like to keep them as separate as possible. even if my shop and my home weren't so close together, its safe to say that these two parts of my life would merge into eachother. personal and business collide at their own will. i have had many personal/business situations, some ending just fine and some not so well.
part of the service that comes along with being a cabinet maker is to refer and work with the counter top fabricator and installers. although that is absolutely not what i do, it is part of my job to coordinate with them.
my wife's uncle is in the counter top business. he and i have done many jobs together over the years. i can honestly say that he has done alot of really nice things for me and my family over the years. i always considered him to be a friend and ok person.
uncle granite is pretty much the only granite counter top person in town with reasonable prices. he fabricates corian, laminate, marble, and granite counter tops. he does a fair job at a fair price. even if uncle granite weren't my wife's uncle, it is more than certain that he and i would work on the same jobs together because we live in such a small town.
uncle granite's payment policy requires half up front along with a signed agreement. the remaining balance is due the day he installs. that's totally fair. i have a similar policy. although just because i ask this, doesn't mean i always get it.
i have recently built and installed a set of custom cabinets for a customer of mine that has unfortunately overspent on his budget for the home. so now the last 20 percent of the loan is being held by the bank until the home closes at completion. this is to prevent further overspending ( i guess)
according to my customer, we are talking about 180 grand worth of cash that the bank will not let go of. this means that my bill and other subcontractors outstanding bills have not been paid and will not be paid until the home closes. all i can do is wait on the other subs to complete their work so that the house can pass inspection and then be cleared to close with the bank. then and only then, will the funds be available.
the good thing about this rotten situation is that the homeowner has become a friend of mine. he is honest. he has been completely open about his mistakes in overspending and i have no worries that my money will come when he closes with the bank. it eases the pain of not having the money to know that i am not about to get the stiff from the homeowner.
so obviously a key part of the home closing (me getting my money) hinges on the countertops being down on the cabinets. the countertop person on this job will have to agree to not be paid until the home closes. this is more than a small favor to ask of anyone that is trying to run a business. that is more or less, a request from the builder to finance the building of the home.
because uncle granite and i are friends, i decided i would call him and vouch for the honesty of my customer. i explained the circumstances of the bank loan and told uncle granite that i felt he could trust the word of my customer. i concluded by saying, "if you don't want to do business on these payment terms and bend your payment principles for my customer, then i understand, just let me know and ill find someone who will do the job on these terms". i really thought this was a courtesy to uncle granite. i was giving him a way out in case he felt like this wasn't a risk worth taking.
this barely gets out of my mouth when he starts into a heated rant saying "if you want to get someone else to do this job then you go right ahead young man". he kept calling me "young man" repeatedly. after i started arguing back at him he began calling me "boy". he would say "boy, ill tell you what....." then we would sit through a pause while he thought of something profound to say about the situation and the way i had screwed him.
i repeatedly explained that i was not trying to run him off the job. i told him over and over that the nature of my call was out of curtousy to him. I'm pretty sure uncle granite had some pent up hostility towards me and this was a good excuse for him to get it all out.
he tells me that his payment arrangements are none of my business. this is true. he could have even told me this like a rational adult and it would have been cool. indeed it is not my business, but i have an immediate interest in seeing the counters go down as quickly as possible. sometimes you have to pry and prod in order to make things happen, especially when you are owed money and desperately need it. I'm desperate.
after he ranted for a while about our business relationship, he then began ranting about how selfish i am and that i care only about myself. this is all probably true. Ive heard it from other people as well, but it was completely not the case in this instance. maybe this blow up was to account for all the other times i deserved it and he refrained. regardless it was childish and unprofessional.
the conversation topics moved from our business dealings to the way i lived my life. it became personal. he talked to me like i was a sinner without regret, as if i was on my way to hell and he was the voice of reason that i needed to hear. at some point he said to me "go smoke you a joint a think about it". this part really kills me because it is a total pass of judgement and on top of that, uncle granite is an recovering drug addict.
it was really crazy and irrational. born from vicious anger and hate.
once he couldn't think of anything else to say about me, he starts hanging up on me.
i keep calling him back. i kept telling him that he and i were friends and that i wasn't gonna let it go down like this. i really, really wanted to work it out.
the hang ups went on for about 15 minutes. i kept on calling back. then he started saying "don't call me back". i kept calling back though. sometimes i would pace around thinking "should i call that dude back",... and then,..i would decide to call back. i was mad. i like to work things out right then on the spot. i dont like carrying anger around on my shoulders (in my stomach).
i figured, ..ok he will call me in the next few days and it will be talked about in a calm, adult fashion and it will be over. that was almost two months ago. so now i know exactly where i stand with this guy.
it wasn't even a year ago that this same guy was giving me his "christian testimony". we were on a job sight together out in the country somewhere. i was there finishing up small details on my cabinets. he was bringing the countertops in with his helpers. the next thing i know he has tears rolling down his face and he is telling me about the power of the holy spirit.
i couldn't tell you what started him on this holy spirit business. he was telling me a story about when he was a junky and had spent his last money to buy a barrel full of black tar heroin as his baby lay in her crib crying hungry for food. he said that the lord sobered him up right there on the spot and spoke to him. he was in his front yard of his trailer and he said he was overcome with the holy spirit. he turned from his ways because of this. i remember feeling really awkward that he was crying and telling me this. i mean we were on a job together with several other workers present and it was real, real weird.
that day i remember wanting to get the hell out of that house as quick as i could, but at the same time i remember being inspired by the way he didn't care about what anyone may think of him. even though i obviously don't see Christianity the same as most Christians, especially this guy, i was inspired by his conviction.
but now all that "testimony" doesn't hold anything with me. he gave another kind of "testimony" to me that day on the phone.
my problem with this guy isn't that he blew up on me and lost his cool. my biggest problem is that he hasn't made any sort of move to redeem our relationship and make right what is wrong. that tells me that he still feels the same way today as he did two months ago. i think he acted that day in a fashion true to his character and his feelings about me.
this Easter we had the family lunch at my wife's grandmothers home. that was the first time i had encountered him since his blow up. he came up to me while i was fixing my plate, grabbed my elbow from behind and says "are you ok?" almost as if that is his way of saying "are we cool now?" i mumbled in response "how are you?" i didn't look him in the eye or use any emotion. i wish i could have come up with something clever like "oh i just smoked a joint so im high as hell, how are you?" its probably best that i didn't say that.
i believe i would just rather him be a dick when he sees me. if this man is a dick to me, then i can see the truth in that. i can believe that he is being real with me. i can respect that more than the lie of pretending to be "ok" with each other.
see the thing is this.... he and i both know we will see each other again. we will have holiday meals that will be at his mothers home. when we are there im sure we will shake hands and pretend to be kind to each other. we will go through the motions and it will all be fake.
because he and i work for many of the the same contractors and homeowners, we will have to do jobs together. because we both want to maintain good professional standing with our customers, we will act like nothing ever happened and it will all be forced and fake.
i got nothing to say about the heart of this uncle granite character. im just going to live my life as if he doesn't exist, even when he is standing in front of me. i now try to look at him as if he were a robot that installs countertops. you don't have life conversations and personal dialogue with a robot, you work with them. you use their labor to get the job done. then you cut the power off at the end of the work day.
im going to use this event as a reminder of how my actions hold me accountable for the personal who i say i am. im gonna use this to remind me of how easy it is to blow it.
personal is meshed in deep with business. business is meshed deep with personal. as much as i hate it, that is the way it is. the older i get, the more i realize how happiness comes through keeping it simple and eliminating all the bull shit. but sometimes you cant shake it. sometimes you got to wade in it to get where your going. sometimes it is a part of your personal life. sometimes i create it, sometimes its handed to me, but none the less dealing with bull shit on a personal and a business level is part of life.
living is living, no matter if you are at work, with your family, or at play. you cant make the separation if you are exercising the same set of morals and values. it becomes one in the end. if you have a different set of values set up for how you do business vs. how you do things on a personal level then something somewhere is contaminated with a lie. something, somewhere is artificial.
maybe i take everything too seriously, but it all seems personal to me. its all business. recently i have realized that there is nothing i can do to separate the two and im better of just accepting it.